I am dying.
In my lifetime, I never realize how hard it would be to utter these three words to you…aside from my usual I LOVE YOU.
God knows how happy I was when I first laid my eyes on you, when you call me each time you were sick or in pain, when you hold my hands, hug me, laugh with me, eat beside me; you are the center of my universe and I used to be your greatest hero.
But now, I can’t be that hero. As I said, I am dying. As much as I wanted us to be like how we used to be, I understand you have your whole life ahead of you. You have your school, friends, your hobbies and a special someone who holds a special place in your heart. You may not talk to me as we used to, or call me when you need me as I may seem like a lost cause in your eyes, but trust me, I am still willing to protect you even if it means trading my last remaining days for your happiness.
There are times you might secretly wish for my death as I am already annoying or grumpy; do not worry I understand you my child. For sometimes, I want to end it too. Ironic as it may seem but each time I wake up and look at you there is still this urge to be better. To fight.
I love you. As a parent, there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you my child. Before my day in this earth ends, I do not want you to worry. I want you to remember me just like the old days when we are more like friends than me being your parent, when I also am the center of your universe.
When you become a parent just like me and have a family of your own do not forget me, instead be a better parent than me. If they grow up, learn to undesrtand that you will not be their world anymore. It might be their friends, their studies, hobbies or a special someone too. Just like you.
If this happens, think about me. I may not be there anymore to witness milestones in your life but I will always… ALWAYS watch over you and be with you. No matter what. Know that each time you may feel lonely and alone I will still hug you and wrap you around my arms just like how I used to comfort you when you were little.
My child, you will always be my universe and my life. I will forever love you, and will keep on telling you how much I love you…until my last breath.
Disclaimer: This open letter is not intended for my own child nor it is for someone else.